April 1, 2017: Trump Fathered Chelsea Clinton! Blackmailed into Taxing the Rich!

A Brief History

On April 1, 2017, news station EFKA reported that Chelsea Clinton was actually the love child of Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. For mutual reasons, this alternative fact has been kept secret all these years, until now!

Digging Deeper

Reporters have cited “anonymous” sources that Vladimir Putin has turned this information into blackmail, forcing President Trump to greatly increase taxes on those with annual incomes above $200,000, doubling the top rate, and ending all Federal Income Tax on people with less than $200,000 of income!

It is also reported by an unnamed source that read on the Internet that the much touted “Wall” between the US and Mexico is actually a front for a series of tunnels to increase the number of Mexican immigrants, a policy pushed on Trump by billionaire businessmen that seek a cheap labor source.

Other sources told the Nebulous News Network that President Trump has admitted to his inner circle that part of his transition briefing was that aliens not only exist, but that they are responsible for Trump’s famous hair style, as it turns out. These same aliens wrote the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare) and are the reason Trump is dismantling the EPA.

Irate Democratic leaders have threatened to resign en masse, causing Trump to quip, “Go ahead!” It seems the inside scoop that virtually the entire Trump administration was going to be indicted for collusion with the Russians to steal the election caused President Trump to strike first and grant every one of those administration people a preemptive pardon, sparking Democratic outrage. Oddly, Trump is refusing to issue a pardon to his Vice President, Mike Pence, for “Showing me up during the debates.”

Asked to comment on the political crisis in Washington, DC, actress Rosie O’Donnell is said to have glared at the reporter and then jumped in front of a speeding bus, causing massive damage to the bus. A disconsolate Amy Schumer tearfully admitted that Donald Trump had never grabbed her by the, well, you know.

As you well educated readers know, today is April Fools Day and this article is our attempt to put some humor in your day. Until next year…

Question for students (and subscribers): Did you ever fool anyone on April Fools Day? Please let us know in the comments section below this article.

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