January 1, 2017: Fake News is People! It’s People!

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A Brief History

On January 1, 2017, we at History and Headlines have decided to live up to the “Headlines” portion of our name by re-capping the hottest fake news of last year!

Digging Deeper

After 2016 introducing fake news to the masses, with a fake news story about Israel threatening to nuke Pakistan resulting in a real Pakistani response threatening to nuke Israel in return, and in an idiot believing a fake news story about Hillary Clinton running a child sex ring out of a pizza shop traveling to the pizza shop with a real rifle that he fired with real bullets in the place, and finally with a retired US Army general (and his son) working as advisers for President-elect Donald Trump allegedly passing along fake news as if it were real, we finally understand how important fake news is!

Our first fake news story is that Donald J. Trump, president-elect of the US, is actually a top tier member of the Church of Scientology and everyone he is appointing to his cabinet and to judgeships, including the Supreme Court, are also Scientologists, which is why Mitt Romney, a Mormon, was not given the job as Secretary of State.

Next, the Cleveland Indians actually won the 2016 World Series, but Las Vegas gambling underworld figures would have lost billions of dollars, and so fixed the Series so that it would appear the Cubs won.  The scandal goes all the way to the White House, where Chicago native Barack Obama demanded of Major League Baseball that the Cubs win a World Series while he was President.

In a stunning revelation, a Stanford University study proved that Black Lives Do Not MatterRelying mainly on Police Officers to study the hypothesis and answer various questions, research was squashed by threats from the White House to eliminate all public money funding anything to do with Stanford.  In a related study, UCLA researchers found that Black Lives Do Matter, but only if they are Police Officers, resulting in a finding that Black and Blue Lives Matter

US Astronaut John Glenn, who died at the age of 95 in 2016, had been kept alive the past 18 years with special alien DNA treatments he got during his 1998 Space Shuttle flight at the age of 77.  In fact, the only reason the old astronaut was allowed to make the flight was because he is such a favorite of the aliens we have been in contact with since the late 1940’s that those aliens insisted he be on the Shuttle to receive the treatments.  Neil Armstrong, a fellow Ohio astronaut, was reportedly miffed that he was not given the same consideration by the aliens.  Armstrong died in 2012, bitter about the whole alien favoritism thing.

The most stunning news of all is that after 5 decades of hiding behind secret classification and phony “national security” issues, the US Government finally admits that John F. Kennedy and Martin Luther King, Jr. were both killed by lone gunmen and no conspiracy is attached to either murder!

Question for students (and subscribers): What do you think was the most ridiculous fake news story of 2016?  Did you fall for any fake news stories in 2016?  Please let us know in the comments below this article.

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Historical Evidence

For more information, please see…

Amarasingam, Amarnath and Robert W. McChesney.  The Stewart / Colbert Effect: Essays on the Real Impacts of Fake News.  McFarland & Company, 2011.

Schwartz, A. Brad.  Broadcast Hysteria: Orson Welles’s War of the Worlds and the Art of Fake News.  Hill and Wang, 2016.

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About Author

Major Dan

Major Dan is a retired veteran of the United States Marine Corps. He served during the Cold War and has traveled to many countries around the world. Prior to his military service, he graduated from Cleveland State University, having majored in sociology. Following his military service, he worked as a police officer eventually earning the rank of captain prior to his retirement.