A Brief History
On April 1, 2024, there were some large white wading birds by our pond, but I Egret to say an Eagle-eyed Hawk spotted them and attacked. I am not one to Crow about it, but I am proud of our yard, as long as no Turkey tries to vandalize the property, because that really ruffles my Feathers.
Digging Deeper
Just yesterday an old Buzzard smoking a White Owl cigar turned his car around on our grass, and then tried to Duck away when I approached. He must have been Chicken! When I confronted him, he Quailed in fear at the sight of my bow and Sparrow. I think he had a few too many shots of Wild Turkey. His lawyer told him not to talk to the cops, but he sang like a Canary. Because he was yellow!
We were watching the Orioles play the Blue Jays when the game got preempted by the Eagles and Falcons game. The sports director really had Egg on his face over that! Interrupting my sports games makes me go Cuckoo.
My car was having a really Fowl odor. It seemed to take a Tern for the worst, so I Goosed the engine. My Road Runner took off and I was proud as a Peacock. People had to Crane their necks to watch us Fly by.
My Chick was Clucking and Squawking at me about this article, but that’s ok, I’m hard of Heron. Her constant Chirping at me is hard to Swallow. I would get a hearing aid, but I’m too Cheep. I think she left the Nest too late, always Parroting what her Loony mother says. She’s as cold as a Penguin, a real Albatross around my neck.
By now you realize as a comedian I’m really a Quack. I really only got into the humor thing as a Lark. Comedy is for the Birds! This article will be my Swan song…
Bonus Jokes!
Why do Hummingbirds hum? Because they don’t know the words!
Why is one side of a V formation of Geese always longer than the other side? Because Geese can’t count!
Why do Birds fly South for the Winter? Because it’s too far to walk!
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Historical Evidence
For more information, please see…
Sibley, David Allen. What It’s Like to Be a Bird: From Flying to Nesting, Eating to Singing–What Birds Are Doing, and Why. Knopf, 2020.
Tekiela, Stan. Bird Trivia: Funny, Strange and Incredible Facts about North American Birds. Adventure Publications, 2018.
The featured image in this article, an 1896 theatre poster of the United States, is in the public domain in its country of origin and other countries and areas where the copyright term is the author’s life plus 70 years or fewer. This work is in the public domain in the United States, because it was published (or registered with the U.S. Copyright Office) before January 1, 1929.
